What Are the Best Ways to Practice Confidence as a Highly Sensitive Person?
Confidence as a highly sensitive person can feel like a contradiction. The world seems to be in a constant state of bravado, and you only have to open social media or spend time with friends to see it. Everyone else seems chatty, bubbly, and radiating energy, while you’re constantly overthinking everything. It’s easy to conclude that everyone else has it figured out – and that you’re the odd one out.
I know that feeling well, because for a lot of my life I was a chronic overthinker. Honestly, I still overthink now, though it’s improved a lot.
As a child, I really struggled with confidence. I hated primary school and felt like everyone else had it sorted, even though we were only six. I was on the emotional side, and my primary teacher once told me I was a real “shrinking violet.” I didn’t know what it meant until my mum explained it to me. Those words hurt, and they shaped how I showed up in friendships, relationships, and life for a long time afterwards.
Check out my Insight Timer track, Morning Mindfulness for an Overthinking Mind – it’s free.
Why Quiet Kids Grow Into Self-Doubting Adults
Being told you’re too quiet as a kid affects you like nothing else. Society tells us that the people who succeed aren’t the quiet ones or the deep thinkers – they’re the bold, loud ones who take up space.
Hearing this made me extremely rebellious as a teenager, because I wanted to shed the side of myself I felt so ashamed of. I became the joker, the fun one, always up for a good time. That narrative stuck with me well into my twenties. Don’t get me wrong, I still love to have fun – but not at the expense of who I am. Building true confidence as a highly sensitive person wasn’t about becoming louder or shinier. It was about embracing the quirks that make me, me.
I talk about this a lot, but not all HSPs have to fit the traditional HSP box. I certainly don’t. I enjoy gigs and dancing, and I swing between extrovert and introvert depending on the day and whether my nervous system is regulated. My point is this: to become confident as a highly sensitive person, you don’t need to be more. You just need to embrace and embody who you already are.
There’s another layer to this, too. Lacking confidence fuelled my perfectionism, something I still battle with. It showed up as intense academic pressure and an extreme inability to make decisions, because I wanted to make the perfect one (which, we know, doesn’t exist).
I think this is why so many highly sensitive people also identify as high achievers. They learn that feeling confident can be achieved, for a moment, through success. It feels accomplishing – but never truly satisfying, because the underlying, subconscious belief never actually shifts.
Check out my Insight Timer track, Putting Down Perfectionism.
How to Build Actual Confidence as a Highly Sensitive Person
[IMAGE 2 – mid-post image. Alt text: “How to build confidence as a highly sensitive person through self-acceptance”]
Once you understand your sensitivity, you can change your approach to life and your view of yourself. Like anything, this takes time – a skill needs practice for the neural rewiring to happen. Here are the practices that have genuinely built my confidence as a highly sensitive person, and that I now teach my clients.
1. Embrace Radical Self-Acceptance
This is an idea coined by mindfulness expert Tara Brach, who asks how much of our lives we’ve spent trying to be more likeable, or more like someone else. That question cuts right to the culture we live in – one obsessed with “becoming more.” But when we accept ourselves as unique, fallible human beings, that pressure starts to fall away.
The idea also stems from Buddhism, which teaches that radical self-acceptance is central to spiritual awakening. When we don’t accept ourselves, we create a sense of non-belonging. Buddhism is rooted in non-dualism, so pushing ourselves away disconnects us from our true nature of kindness and compassion. Practising self-acceptance strips away comparison, because at our core, we are all one.
2. Find a Way to Share Your Unique Voice
As a child and young teenager, I hated speaking in front of people. Years spent teaching in a classroom resolved that, and I now genuinely enjoy public speaking (as long as I’m interested in the topic).
One of the best ways I’ve found to build confidence is to own your voice. That doesn’t mean being the loudest in the room. It means taking small moments throughout the day to widen your window of tolerance and get comfortable being uncomfortable. That could mean speaking up in meetings, setting a boundary, or striking up a conversation at the coffee shop. It all counts.
If setting boundaries is the piece you find hardest, I’ve written more about that here: [INTERNAL LINK: boundaries blog post or Boundary Breakthrough page].
I’d also encourage you to share your views or creativity through platforms like blogging, Substack, or YouTube. These are great ways to build the muscle of trusting that your opinions and skills matter.
3. Beat the Comparison Trap
As a perfectionist, I struggle deeply with comparison. It isn’t helped by people posting their “amazing” lives on Instagram – which we all know is mostly nonsense anyway.
For that reason, I’m strict with my screen time on these platforms. I try to use them to share messages that matter, rather than things that just “look” good. It’s worth doing an audit of where you find yourself comparing most, then being strict about avoiding those triggers for a while.
4. Value Your Value
Instead of comparing yourself to others or talking down your sensitivity, start to see the unique edge it gives you. Most people wouldn’t notice someone else’s emotions from across the room. But most people also aren’t moved deeply by art, literature, and music – and most people aren’t as emotionally intelligent as you are.
So tap into your unique value. Make a list, and start to reverse-engineer the negative mindset about sensitivity that society has sold you.
Your sensitivity can also shape the work you do. I explored this in a recent episode of my show, on how to choose jobs that actually suit highly sensitive people: HERE
Confidence Is a Practice, Not a Personality Type
When we practise these things, we build inner confidence – otherwise known as self-worth. This is a marathon, not a sprint, so be kind to yourself on the days you slip up. You’re human.
The more you embrace your weird, wonderful self, the more happiness you’ll find in life. You don’t need to be anyone else. That’s your greatest gift. Start owning it!
If you want support building this kind of grounded confidence as a highly sensitive person, this is exactly the work I do with clients inside Meant for More – my 1:1 coaching experience for sensitive, high-achieving women.
If this resonated, feel free to comment below. I love to hear from you!