If you’re anything like me, your inner critic has been around for some time. It often appears out of nowhere – maybe when you’re getting ready, a deadline at work approaches, or even when you’re having social conversations. It’s like a friend that comes and often outstays its welcome.
It’s the voice telling you “why can’t you do this right,” it’s the indecision that you’ll make the wrong choice, and it’s the part that tells you “you’ll never be good enough.” The inner critic is LOUD, but I’d argue it’s louder for sensitive, neurodivergent people, who due to their wiring are often overly critical and prone to perfectionist tendencies.
As a sensitive, high-achieving person, my inner critic has constantly been with me – I might be delivering a yoga class, teaching, or working through something, and I’ll be there, chiming in with the next put-down or stream of consciousness anxiety monologue.
And YES, it’s exhausting, boring, and makes you question your general level of sanity. BUT fighting it never works. Like anything we try to push away and get rid of, it only comes back with a bigger bite.
Why Fighting Your Inner Critic Never Works
We might be tempted to tell our inner critic to go away, to stop being so loud, but fighting back rarely works. This is because the inner critic thrives on attention. It thrives on being fed. Just like a hungry wolf, the wolf that gets fed the most wins. The more we feed the inner critic, or the mean girl, the more it wins.
You might be like me and have done 177,171 affirmations in an attempt to rewire your subconscious, and none of them have landed or stuck. This is because we cannot bulldoze our way to feeling confident – we have to embody it. Affirmations without physical embodiment are just wasted time and energy. Unless our body believes it, our mind will struggle to connect the dots.
What the Inner Critic Is Trying to Do
IFS, or somatic parts therapy, teaches us that the inner critic is not really a foe. It’s a core part of us that tries to keep us safe. This protective little part is getting in there first, trying to protect us from making mistakes and disappointing others, and it does this through criticising us so others can’t. As humans, IFS therapy and parts work teach that we’re made up of an amalgamation of parts, and all these parts are there helping us get through life. The strong parts often appear as coping mechanisms in early life – they develop a real sense of self in childhood.
Where the Critical Voice Comes From (Especially If You’re Highly Sensitive)
The inner critic stems from childhood conditioning. This is particularly strong if you’re neurodivergent or highly sensitive, because our nervous systems and brains are wired differently, making us more susceptible to criticism. We may have been told at a young age that we were “too loud,” “too quiet,” or lazy, and these messages become ingrained in our psyche, making the protective part work overtime in the background.
Overcoming Your Inner Critic Starts in the Body, Not the Mind
I’m not against positive psychology – it helps us improve our sense of self, and positive self-talk is essential. But when we only tackle this with the mind, we bypass the most important thing we have: the wisdom of our bodies. Somatics changes this. It teaches us to identify how the parts present in our bodies, without criticising, just witnessing and exploring the true messages that lie beneath. Regulation needs to happen first, before a dialogue can be had in the mind.
The key is to learn to lean into these parts with compassion, care, and self-acceptance – because when we feed the right wolf, that’s the one that wins. There’s an old Buddhist story that teaches about the wolves we feed, and which one wins. The wolf that wins should be the one we feed with self-compassion, love, and positivity – which can be hard to remember when you’re used to the inner critic running the show.
If you’re new to somatics, it’s worth checking out my tracks on Insight Timer which explore a range of somatic tools.
3 Gentle First Steps to Start Overcoming Your Inner Critic
- Name the part. Which part is loud right now? Is it the perfectionist? The people-pleaser? When we name the part, we give it less agency in our lives, which allows us to separate our whole self from the parts that make it up.
- Notice where the part lives in the body, and do something to soften the physical discomfort there. This might be your chest, your throat. Just notice where it happens.
- Practice radical self-acceptance. This could be through a meditation practice that explores the body and felt senses further – RAIN by Tara Brach is a favourite of mine.
Remember, your parts have been there since childhood, protecting you. They aren’t wrong or bad, they just don’t need to come out and play all the time.
What Changes When You Stop Going to War with Yourself
The fog finally lifts when you stop being at war with yourself. You finally accept yourself for who you are, rather than who you think you should be. You don’t need people to please, perform for, or be perfect around. You just need to simply be yourself.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If you’re struggling to identify who you are, what you want, and how you want to show up in this life, you can join me for my online coaching which helps highly sensitive, neurodivergent people step into peace, power, and purpose so they can finally build a life that feels like theirs.
With love,
Rachel